inner monologue.

I am so excited. I can’t wait for tonight. It’s the first time I’ve had a team fully concerned with MY ideas and vision. I am finally in creative control- something I have fought for my entire life.

It isn’t always easy being full of opinions, passion, and dreams. There is ALWAYS someone there trying to succubate your joy. I don’t think that was a word before, but now it is (and I like it).

There was a guy that spoke at my eight grade graduation. I don’t agree with most of what he said that night, but one thing stuck with me. He said, “Be a joy putter inner, not a joy taker outer.”

I really took that to heart. I’ve always tried to be a beacon, but this was a perspective I hadn’t considered. Because as important as it is to remember that you have the potential to create joy in your environment, it’s essential to recognize the forces that exists intrinsically to your detriment. There will always be someone trying to take your joy- because in this world of dog eat dog, joy and happiness are commodities.

I list them separately, because they are different things (common misconception).

Anyway, I’m not sure if that preacher man realized the lesson he was teaching me that night. His intent was likely to placate us into subservience, as was the methodology of the institution. The Stockholm never set in on me.

I digress.

My point is that tonight is one of my many “first steps.”

Toward my dreams becoming more than abstract concepts… and building an environment for us to be able to grow together through love.

That involves letting go of any self doubt and negativity that has kept me from expressing my absolute truths. I don’t generally believe in absolutes, but when it comes to the self, one must decide and discipline accordingly.

As I’ve said a million times, 2017 is the year of laying the foundation and setting the cornerstone. Getting to know yourself is the first step in this journey. When you are certain of your SELF, there is less room for self doubt and more room for joy.

I am excited for tonight. I can’t wait to realize my vision for us all.

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