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ever feel stuck and ask yourself, how the fuck did i get here? i have such a great life, im just living it in the wrong city. i don’t know when that will change and it makes me feel so hopeless sometimes. i don’t feel as in control of my own fate as i used to feel. i guess that’s a small price to pay for my otherwise privileged existence. but pay it i must. // this song is a response to how i’m feeling today. i’m sure someone out there can relate to feeling stuck and just wanting to get out and being willing to do ANYTHING to make it happen.
i’ll never be over it. || rocky was my BEST friend, but it didn’t START that way. i found rocky at a shelter in VA - they didn’t want to show him to me because he was snapping at everyone and they didn’t think he’d be able to get a home. not a lot of people in VA had experience dealing with chihuahuas - but i grew up in LA. I got my first chihuahua (scooby- who was also a VERY GOOD BOY) from my tita michelle for my 9th birthday; we had chihuahuas from then on out. i was looking for a guard dog - so a big one- but i couldn’t help falling in love with rocky at first sight. the feeling was NOT mutual. rocky obviously came from an abusive place and he was very scared. they made me spend time with him alone in a vets room to see how he would react and if i really wanted to deal with all that. they told me i was his last chance, but don’t feel pressured to take him. i did. i got him a huge crate and filled it with a soft bed and blankets. he loved that pen. i would open the door but he wouldn’t come out. honestly it took a LONG time for him to trust me. months. i even cried on the phone to my mom because i thought rocky hated me and we would never bond. i asked if i should take him back because he wouldn’t stop snapping at me and i was getting really depressed about it. it just wasn’t working out. but my mom advised me against that and just said to have patience. i’m glad i listened to her because after a while rocky DID warm up to me. in fact, we became inseparable. i had never loved anything as much as i loved rocky. he taught me how to TRULY love something. it was WORK. and it was REWARDING. he became such a source of joy for me that when i lost him, it felt like i lost myself.
if you know, you’ll know.
i’m back witches!!! // new video just posted to YT!
another song inspired by conversations i’ve had or heard recently. it’s so interesting seeing other people start to talk about their experiences with the “divine” and how they use certain tools like tarot to find their inner truths. always, around this time, people are tuning into themselves and to whatever else may be out there. to me, being able to see my reflection in the universe is divine. there are so many ways to use this world as a mirror to see into yourself. just be open to learning the truth and accepting what you find.
as you probably can tell, i write a LOT. i get inspired by a lot of things and when it comes to writing- it’s almost like i can’t move on with my task/day/life until i’ve let the song have its moment and i can almost drain it from my brain. i can tell when i really like a song i’ve written if, once i’ve drained that song from my mind and on to “paper”, the song still finds its way back in to my brain. i’ve decided that i can’t ignore it. i’ve put it off for so many reasons, but i can’t neglect the side of me that wants to produce WORKS - completed works - of art. i’m in the process of making it happen for my self, by myself. this first album will have to be a love letter to myself. because i’m worth it. // this song was drained just now from my brain and on to your screen. the concepts i’ve been thinking about lately are probably very obvious to anyone keeping up. there’s a lot of angst in me that rebels against this idea of imperfection and injustice; and also this unrepentant side of me that totally owns my flaws and mistakes. this devil and angel, if you will, warring inside of me. i’m not sure which one to listen to these days. which one is which.

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