Progress not perfection

You guys. I am so overwhelmed by your support. I never anticipated such amazing growth! It’s humbling to know so many people have their eyes on me. By no means do I think “I’ve arrived,” (that’s not my goal) but I do acknowledge all the support that has brought me up to this point.

There is always going to be someone that’s done better than me… and there will always be someone wishing they could take my place – that is life. If you choose to focus on that, you’ll go absolutely crazy! Trolls LOVE to bring these details to our attention.

They talk about how 1.2 million hearts isn’t that much, how scopes may only get a couple thousand views – they don’t see the bigger picture. I’m not bothered by their metrics of success, because I know that the goal is progress, not perfection. When that perspective is realized, I am accomplished.  I see my progress with you all every day. More importantly, I’m able to notice the progress I’ve made within myself.

This week has been another busy week. Everyday there are new things to be grateful for! I’ve got so many things in the works for my little nuts. I can’t wait to blow your minds.

Last Wednesday, in fact, we hosted a dinner party. One of our guests was held hostage by inclement weather on the eastern coast, but that didn’t quell the marvelous evening. We discussed many plans with Jesse Feinberg, a viral video creator, who is contributing his wisdom to the youtube project. Jesse also contributed a huge bag of goodies from Cannabis Cup. CLICK to watch what he gave me!  We talked about a lot of stuff! He talked to me about writing, my vision, my goals. He recommended a lot of things to watch, like the new Tony Robbins Doc. There were also talks of creating tv shows… but before thoughts of that, we’ll have to see if I can come up with a compelling pilot idea.

Speaking of writing- if you haven’t already, get caught up on my CHAPTERS. I posted Chapter Three Wednesday, past.

Thursday, certain friends had a lunch with a funny man named Otis. Otis had just come from an interview during which he was told he wasn’t young enough for the position, and he felt very down on his luck. He was so happy to have had this lunch time meeting to look forward to. When my certain friends introduced Otis to Periscope, he was noticeably overwhelmed. He referred to Dionne Warwick’s, That’s What Friend’s Are For. I was so touched, I decided to record that song for him. I posted it on Periscope and it was up for a whole week.

A squirrel came to visit me on my porch. He found some of Rocky’s disregarded treats and looked to have found his own heaven. He was so frightened when he noticed his audience, he nearly ran into the wall.

I was able to catch the latest Bob’s Burgers. Boy, do I love that show. You know the business to the left of theirs during the opening credits? It always changes. This episode’s read: You Do The Meth (Recovery Clinic) – Bahahaha. Classic.

I saw a great quote on Snapchat that I meditated on all Friday morning:  “To accept passively an unjust system is to co-operate with that system,” from Martin Luther King. I believe in this with such a ferocity, I don’t even want to open the floodgates. It’s a whole ‘nother post, fam. (You know how I can go on.)

We were supposed to go over to Joe’s this night. He was house sitting his parents gorgeous manor, and so nach he threw a huge party. I was gunna drive Rocky up to my parent’s house, but literally right before I left, Joe informed us that his girl friend wanted him solo that night… so, we didn’t go- obvs.

Babyface was such a doll and picked up some quick groceries for us, and the guy at the register apparently handed him a whole stack of the monopoly pieces. Too bad for us, there were very few usable pieces. However, SO many of you watched us scope the birth of our new piece system. CLICK HERE if you missed it There were several very amusing false alarms.

Saturday morning, we watched the Tony Robbins Documentary (Netflix) that Jesse had told us about. It was really inspiring and I would definitely recommend it if you are looking to get a look at a version of our future. A more Hilton* version, but still- very valuable energy. There were some touching moments.

*I don’t actually remember what hotel it was at.

We collected ourselves and headed over to Corona, but not before we snagged some local In-n-Out. We were starved. Traffic was on and off the whole way there, but the day and the drive were both beautiful. When we arrived, we were welcomed by an eclectic set of guests- all very chill.

“James Bong,” introduced us to the fineness of the palm leaf joint. It was encased in cellulose, but the roach was pure palm. The core of the joint held a honey wax. Every flavor was a delight. It pleases me that my pallet has become so refined. Y’all know I smoke enough.

We all shared our various goods, and had a great time geekin out together. The home was seriously beautiful. Tucked into the crook of the hills, and filled to the brim with petals of all colors, it was impossible not to feel a sense of zen. It was such a perfect way to end the night the way we did, cuddled by the bon fire, under the pale moon light.

Sunday, we didn’t wake up until 10:30 (super late for me, not so much for Babyface). He made lunch while I scoped. We took this day to relax. We were going to do so many things that day, but we were    just    so    tired. I’m sure the wine helped with that.

Babyface did his best to coax me down to the hot tub, but it just wasn’t in me. He went down and I movie surfed a few of my favorite whodunits. (Have I mentioned Clue is one my favorite movies?)

When Babyface returned, we watched Office Christmas Party. You guys, that movie gets a bad rap, but it was pretty good. It legit had some good laughs in it. Unlike the way Powerless (Vanessa Hudgens)  is funny. That show is so bad it’s HILARIOUS. So campy. It’s literally five flames for me. Wine may have helped with that too.

Monday, I had such a fun morning rundown with you guys on scope!

On my stop by the pump, I saved 20 cents a gallon on my gas at Chevron, because of our rewards from Vons/Albertsons. I’ve got to say, that I’m not sure how it works, but (being the first time that I’ve used this function) I definitely felt like I reached a new level of adulthood in being able to redeem said reward. It’s like- level unlocked- welcome to phase 3 of domestication.

Although… it makes me want to look more closely in to which business I’m giving so much financial support. I would hate to be contributing to a nefarious end.

Another beautiful day to spend outside, The 27 was particularly grand, though over run with vehicles scheming around traffic. I was content to sit in the beauty of the trees and sun; the windows receded, better to welcome the mountain air. I was on my way to an event sponsored by The Lust Experience. Watch my reports (1) here and (2) here.

My appointment was at 2:30. I had an address and instructions not to be there early. I was also told to come in through the parking lot. I assumed the path would be obvious when I arrived.

Other participants had arranged to meet at a nearby watering hole. Although, to call The Stocking Frame a hole would be misleading.

As I parked, I lit a long roach and approached the bar. (Unless your a cop. Then it was definitely just a cigarette… cause… I smoke those… BUT READ WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!). One of the very gorgeous girls involved with Lust was pacing while staring at her phone in front of the bar.

I wasn’t sure it was her, or that it was even the right place. Also, I didn’t want to blow smoke in her face, so I walked passed her for the last couple puffs. While I was putting the smoke out on my shoe, she noticed me. She explained that she was trying to get their uber. Their group was set to go soon (we met in groups of four and five).

Just as she was finishing her explanation a familiar face sprang through the glass doors. With him was a beautiful unfamiliar face.

You guys know how long that lasts with me- the unfamiliar-ness. Babyface calls me a social butterfly. I think I’m more of a social groundhog.

We exchanged quick embraces and they were off. I faired in to the establishment unaccompanied, but soon found four new friends. It’s so nice to be able to put faces to names and theories.

If you guys are like… wait, what is she talking about? Seriously… check out my scopes. 😉

Intro to season one – Tension (Darren Lynn Bousman)

Season Two – Lust – Kick Off at Tension Book Release Party

TAPPED for Focus Group (“The System”)

Meetup before Focus Group with intro to Fellow Participants (Friends!)

Receiving the Location of Focus Group & Leaving for it

Noah Gets Arrested after Focus Group

Focus Group Break Down – “The System”

Noah Diabetes Diagnosis

My Musings on Lust

My early feelings about “The System” and “iConfidant”

On our way to meet up in the OC

Everyone meets Noah and Sarah

There was some stuff that happened in between the above and the below scopes… not too much though. You should be well enough informed on my experience.


More details about what happened that day

This is just MY perspective. A lot of people have a lot more to say and a lot more has happened. I just haven’t been as invested in this story as I originally thought I might be. There are so many things demanding my attention, and I owe those that support me my utmost.

I’m sure many of my readers might enjoy aspects I don’t, but this is just the a chapter in a saga. I don’t think you need to love every part of it, as it changes just as soon as you think you know what it is. It’s diluted, and convoluted. I’ve learned, these last few days, by painful personal experience, that the creators are using those aspects as devices. We’ll see how it pays off. (Check it out here: LUST)

I’m known to be a merciless critic. I assure you, I’m the hardest on myself. I’m determined to improve my ability to accept things for what they are, as they were intended. I shouldn’t bare the burden of micro managing every detail in the world. Frankly- I need to learn how to let some stuff GO.

I know a lot of you must be laughing in your seats right now! Well, I try to practice what I preach, but it’s always easier with an audience. I admit that I’m not always perfect, but every day I get closer. We all fail, though. We shouldn’t kill ourselves over it.

When we do, we internalize SO much negative energy. That shit builds until you projectile vomit your baggage on to everyone you care about… because aren’t they there to take it? (No, people are NOT your emotional punching bags or life vests).

We never want to admit how angry we are with ourselves or with our shortcomings. We distract ourselves so we don’t have to face it. That is literally the worst thing you could do.

Lately, I’ve been talking A LOT about loving yourself first. You’ve got to be a little selfish in this vapor of a life. I don’t mean to be conniving or manipulative. There is a positive side to selfishness.

Take car owners. Through out the life of a car, it has to check in with the mechanic (car doctor) for tune ups. Don’t you go to a doctor (body) when you’re feeling sick? Well where do you go when you need to get your shit together? Is there a life doctor? FOR NOW, let’s for get the spirit/soul part of life. Let’s focus just on life in general.

We go through phases. We learn. We grow. We evolve. We need some where to get tuned up.

You guys, honestly, it’s not that deep.


The answers lie within your effing self.

                                                              (Jazz hands)

More on that in a future post.

SPEAKING of thoughts to ponder… I have moved updates to Thursday to make room for a meditation section! HEED (the link at the top of the page) is the page that holds my thoughts. Well, it will. I made the first weekly post on Tuesday. Which is the day we are now talking about.

Finally. We are almost done guys. Jeeeezes, this is a novel. 2,199 WORDS BABY… well… now it’s 2,204. Except apparently numbers aren’t words.. my this is confusing.

We went to Karaoke Tuesday night and it was a blast. I had people wanting to sing with me all night long. It was adorbs. I had a few Surly Goat Pomelo drinks, so I am SURE I was on top of my vocal game.

Wednesday was the day of RESEARCH and Reading. I don’t talk about it too much, but I am doing a 365 Day Reading Challenge (for myself). I want to read for at least an hour a day (no, not snapchat you funnies). I spent the day making a list of my next set of books to read. I borrow them through the LA Public Library system. They have an App! I’ll have to make a scope about it.

Anyway, I was also doing some research for my chapters. I posted the Fourth Chapter late last night. I love to write and revise at night guys. I’m sorry if my complicated life is an inconvenience to your perfect existence. (Runs away flailing)

(CINDY!) **100 Points if you get that reference.

Today (Thursday, if you’re keeping up)  has be a day of lists: to do, to make, to see, to hear, to sing, to practice, to create, to inspire, to teach, to learn, to influence, to exemplify, to study, to meditate, to consume, to imbibe… so many lists, so little time. In the next few weeks I can’t wait to share it with you all.

I hesitate a to say too much these days on Periscope. I want to be able to deliver. My vision is so grand, and I’ve got my eye on every detail. I don’t want to put something out there before it’s ready… but it’s hard because I want to share everything with my SuperScopers. I’m learning this balance. It’s a process.

Anyway… It’s 26 minutes to midnight…  Sleep tight my little nuts.

Dream the sweetest dreams, and always remember to be kind to yourselves and others.



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